I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
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She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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