So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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