I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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