Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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