he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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