a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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