Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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