I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize