you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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