Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize