I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Drunk is a universal language darling
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