I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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