No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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