He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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