well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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