If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize