from now on my penis is your penis
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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