Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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