when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize