Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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