I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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