I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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