well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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