i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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