At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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