Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize