dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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