bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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