my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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