This girl is more easily done than said...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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