Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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