You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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