She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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