I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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