I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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