Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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