she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
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Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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