just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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