dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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