on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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