I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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