just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize