I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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