omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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