You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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