someone threw a dead crab at me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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