i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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