It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize