Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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