Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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